Up for Air

I've not been writing much on this platform and miss it, so here I am. Having just finished Nano I am taking a short break from Drum. That said, even as I write this, I can't wait to get back into the book. This, I think, is a sea change from only a month or two ago when I felt the book was in a state of stagnation. So much of what I'd put down as work toward a thesis seemed to be work for others, my advisors, mainly, even though I was reminded throughout my time in the program that I was writing for myself.

Writing for myself. Drum is beginning to take on a life of its own. Now, writing this, I think I've probably said that before. However, this year's experience with Nano has given my character a depth she never had before. I'm learning that because of this depth, there is a deeper story to be told. One more reason why I love character-driven stories.

Jade is a much more complex individual now, with better motivations to make her discoveries. My intention is to make her less reliable, giving her mor humanity and the reader more reason to explore not only what Jade herself is trying to discover externally, but what she must discover internally. This last point is critical, for it is imperative that the journey not only be the wrestling with the M&C disappearance, but more importantly about Jade's struggle within herself to be fully human. This is the story.

This is the story, and while it's easy for me to encapsule it in a paragraph, the synopsis is not the book. The book is multidimensional, mercurial, amorphous. It is no irony that these adjectives can also be used to describe a) disappearance, and b) Jade's own sense of herself. I believe I have captured the nebulous nature of the M&C disappearance, but clues to the real mystery of the story, Jade, still need to be discovered.

Discovery, exploration, the quest. These are the stories that I seem to gravitate toward. One of the ideas which, surprisingly, was not discussed in last nights Philosophy Talk on the role of fiction in our lives was the basic fact that fiction tells the story of our lives, what is, what might have been, what might come to pass. These are the stories that bring us around to ourselves. In this sense, fiction is essentially revolution.

Fiction is revolution.  I do not mean to say that fiction is rebellious, necessarily; I mean to say it carries the weight of our moments to a point beyond our moments. Fiction is the experience we have of ourselves that we don't know we're having until we write it down. When I write a scene or story, it isn't because I can't think of anything else to do. It is because I can't think of nothing else to do. The difference is everything to understanding the reasons I write in general. The character, the conflict, the setting, the plot arises out of the inevitability of the idea.

The inevitability of the idea is what I'm always hunting. It's why I do these autowrites and how, honestly, I keep my sanity.

Speaking of the inevitability of the idea, there are certain germs and gestations that are best left out of my blog so I will exercise discretion. However, coming back form Thanksgiving this year, I had the wearing sense that the religious/political differences I have with my mother, brothers and their spouses are beginning rise to the surface. I think it is slowly becoming evident to them just how opposed I am to their rightist values, and this they interpret as their dear youngest going astray, the poor sinner. The consternation, even condescension is visible in the minute muscles of their faces, especially around the eyes. In order to keep this in perspective and keep loving each of them for who they are, I need to remind myself daily that we all have our journeys, and while mine is to keep jumping the tracks, theirs is to stay the course. There is nothing new in this story.

Nothing new in the story. We tell it again and again in as many new and original ways as humanly possible. This is our Fiction; it our truth.

Nanowrimo 12.6

Finished Nano this morning with 50783 words. It's a good start at re-envisioning Drum, and with the  POV now under control, I think I'm finally on the way to telling this story the way it needs to be told. Before I get into revision though, there are a few more smallish items I need to situate between scenes in order for the plot to be more evident.

So, as I gratefully slip into revision mode, I will now be getting back to some longer posts in the Undertow area. I do this with a renewed sense of myself as a writer. Thank you, NaNoWriMo.

One of the interesting little decisions I'm making is the re-naming of Michael and Cordelia. I believe this is an essential action to take if I am really going to undertake this thing as a piece of fiction. I think it may be very interesting to discover what happens when I can finally start severing myself from those names! The book will continue to be called Drum.

I have come to a comfortably accept a genre label for this novel, Fictionalized Memoir, but I don't expect booksellers to adopt it right away.

Aren't we all a little mithridatistic?

http://wordsmith.org/words/mithridatism.html

Nanowrimo 12.5

Word Count: 32016 Okay. I have to admit something, I've uploaded some small portions from my thesis. This was material that needed to be part of this Nano effort, the story just wouldn't budge without it, why reinvent the wheel, blah, blah, blah. Sound like rationalizing? It is.

Anyway, if no one reads this blog, this confession is the unheard falling tree.

See you on Side B.

Nanowrimo 12.4

Wordcount: 22943.

I've been burning along with protag Jade now for more than two weeks, and she (I) have hit the wall. It's time finally for this character to grow a spine and so something about her pathetic self.  Ironically, I am looking back at my thesis for inspiration, but I'm sticking to all new material for now.

Jade is truly taking control of the story, and in this there is an interesting blurred line between my own experiences and Jade's. While this novel is definitely fiction, there are many places where factual detail of Michael & Cordelia, Drum, and my family is present. All of this is meshed into Jade's fictional world. I'm not really sure if I'm crossing the line, but this is experimental, right?

I'd love to have some feedback on this and perhaps a reading suggestion.

Nanowrimo 12.3

Nanowrimo word count now at 15662. I'm at a point now in Jade's story where she needs to be making some dramatic discoveries. I have set the stakes, (re)introduced some supporting characters, created significant emotional backdrop for Jade's motivations. I'm afraid it's time for some serious knocking about, now that Jade is experiencing some enlightenment.

Here are some photos I'm considering for the cover of Drum:

Nanowrimo 12.2

Day 5: 8453 words.
Making steady progress, but it's all "swoop" as Vonnegut says of this kind of writing. I'm used to being more of a "basher,"a plodder who writes deliberately through a story, editing as I go. So, this is all new to me. Feels very liberating just barfing out stuff on the screen and calling it "work." I know I'm getting a lot of good ideas doing this, but jeezuz, is it crappy writing!

I'm feeling pretty good about the "work" so far on the parallel narrative in Drum. I am, however, more concerned with character trajectory. She has now taken on some darker aspects and is a less reliable POV than before. There needs to be more progress on that front. Also, I need to be thinking story more.

My son Gavin, who incidentally is "Mop" on Nano, is very good at plotting out the story before fleshing it out. Maybe he's learned something from me, because I'm not that way at all. I prefer to head into the cave first and think about lighting the lantern later (imagine the adventures we've had!). My character is the lantern. I can only hope she has enough fuel.

Find me on Nano: www.nanowrimo.org/en/participants/bucket

Happy election eve. Tomorrow we make a big decision. If you haven't voted. VOTE, damn it.

Nanowrimo 12.1

2020 Words on Nanowrimo today. Feels good to be getting the work out. I've got lots of ideas working free, now: a relief. But why does it take a contest like this to make me get back to my novel? It's not that I couldn't have kick started myself. Methinks it's something to do with routine and an imposed schedule. There's also all the scheming and contemplation I've been doing on the story. And of course there's that anal bastard--my editor--I've chained to the basement floor. Aye, he's a loud one, that chap. Makes a racket down there; but oh is it real horror-show having the free roam of mind.

The real fun is in sharing the pain with my partners in Nano, my dear wife and son. We're all committed to getting up and jamming Nano for at least two hours before we hit the road to work and school. Luckily, we're focused on stuff that was already underway. Gavin's been working on his novel for almost a year but needs to put forth the extra effort to rough in the final rise to the crisis.

And I need to be working on revising plot, too, with Jade back as protag. I am returning to the idea of a parallel storyline, something that shows a probable path for M&C, and an inevitabel path for Jade. More later on this.